SpicyBugz World

So in 4 days I will see my son whom I haven’t seen for over 2 years.   I am so very excited to see him again, and can’t wait to hug him.  I read everyone’s advice, and I do agree with you, my dear friends and readers, that it probably isn’t the best of plans but it is something that must be done if I want to live with my own conscious.  I’m his mom.  He has nobody and is all alone at this point in his life.   From he day he called me and started crying hard, I mean hard sobs that literally broke my heart, telling me he doesn’t care if he lives or dies anymore.  That he is so f’ing lonely he can’t stand it.  It broke my heart so bad I didn’t know what to do.  I cried with him.

I arranged for him to come down and live with us…for a while, not permanent, just for a while, to help him get his feet back on the ground.  He knows, no drugs here.  I know it’s not going to be easy, not easy by a long shot, but I have to try to help this boy one more time.  For my own peace of mind, I have to know in my heart, I have done every thing I can to help him.

Moving him 1000 miles away from his dopey friends, who only use him and then spit him out, will be good for him.  I am giving this boy a second chance, a fresh start.  His grandparents are here also, and they are tough cookies, my mother will work his ass off and keep him busy and set his ass straight.  The sun will be good for him also.

While he is here, I will make sure he does get the medical treatment that he needs.  Get him back on his psych meds etc.   Even get his teeth fixed that he let go.   It will build up his self esteem, and hopefully, lead him in the right path to want a better life for himself.

He knows, this is this last chance.  There is no more I can do for him if he doesn’t shape up and fly right.  I do believe that with hard work..meaning keeping him very busy, working, doing things, he will be too tired to fight me.  I also believe that it will be good for his soul.  The boy doesn’t have anything to do, except look at four walls all day..that’s the devils playground if you ask me.

He knows that he is now the children’s big brother, and that is what he will remain.   On this I stand strong.  NOBODY will ever mess with those kids again.  But I really don’t have to worry about him and the kids.  He loves them with all his heart.  It was him who realized that they were better off with us, and that he just couldn’t do it for the long haul.   Whatever,  He made his bed in that department.  I adopted them, he is now a big brother.  I didn’t create this ..but I fixed it and it will remain fixed!  Mini Bug doesn’t even remember him it’s been so long, and she was so little, and Mighty Bug has never seen him.

I don’t know if I am doing the right thing or not…time will tell, but I sure hope I am.   Sometimes I have to follow my heart or my brain will drive me insane.   I really think he needs to be strongly under my thumb and control for awhile.  He needs to know he is loved and has value.  He also needs to relearn that there are rulez and boundaries he can’t cross.  I’m willing to give him this last chance, we all need someone to help us stand back up sometimes and help us get back on our feet.  I am hoping he can eventually stand up strongly.  Wish me luck on this.

I of course will no doubt blog about this a lot.  It’s going to be a huge life style change here for a bit.  I am sure there will be days when I want to pull my hair out, or maybe I had pulled his hair out lol but I will share it all here and you all can live it with me, and hopefully give love and advice a long the way.

It’s been getting kinda chilly here at nights lately and we have been running the furnace.  Can you believe that we run the furnace when the temps drop in the 60’s? Blows my mind I tell ya.  BUT, the furnace dries my nose out so bad it hurts and sometimes bleeds.  So I am going to have to send ole hubby to the store to get some humidifier filters for our humidifier. That should help.